On being an RM and striving.

I've been contemplating writing on my blog for a while now. I have been hesitant for a few reasons. One, I don't know what to say. Two, I don't know where to start to even think about what to say. Three, there is a lot to say.
But anyway, I think I will just let my fingers type today and hopefully you will understand something of my life and what I am feeling.
First things first, I have been gone because I was on a mission. If you would like an update for those months, you can visit this blog here:

But right now I want to talk about being a returned missionary.
It's like one of those topics that seems overly talked about and somehow underly talked about... Like it's something that happens... one day you're out walking and you think you'll be there forever, then there's a moment where everyone sees you and cheers for you as you exit an airplane, the first time everyone sees you they freak out... and it's exciting…

On Gratitude and Missions

Well, hello there. It's only been a long time since I've posted. Probably because life has been really crazy.

First of all, I started my mission papers. Second, I turned them in. Third, you guessed it, I received my call! It's crazy how things happen in our lives.
Here is the story.
The promptings came a little at a time. I felt like I should do little things (prepare for the temple, study certain scriptures/books, etc) and one day I was like wait, I think these are things that prepare me for a mission. I was at home, and I started talking about it with my family. And then it felt right. So I got back to school and immediately started my papers. Definitely faced some adversity. But on Wednesday, November 19, my call arrived. I thought I would wait until today, November 26, but luckily my family got as impatient as me, and we met in Heber and opened my call. I brought my old roommates/best friends Emily and Angela, and then my best friend/not roommate Michael. On the way, I…

Ode to the life of a student

I thought about actually writing an ode but that was just way too much work.
Lately I have been thinking about the aspects of being a student, especially an LDS one, and trying to figure out my life.  School has been pretty good. I am taking the maximum amount of credits, which will hopefully be an advantage later. Right now I'm considering dropping out and living a gypsy life ways to make school feel easier but so far I'm just realizing that it is not procrastinating.   I am working two jobs. I work at the ASSERT preschool for kids with autism. It is ABA (applied behavior analysis) based and I really enjoy it.  It is mentally tiring sometimes, but I get to be with some of the greatest kids on the planet. I also work as a tutor for a high school boy who is the funniest, nicest kid. I also teach violin once a week, so I guess you could say I have 2 and a half jobs.  My easiest class is probably human development. I don't know. It's super awesome. Sometimes makes me want…

love myself

I just posted.
But I had been thinking about something for a while and it didn't really fit with the last post.
Lately one of my struggles has been due to a change in me. This change wasn't really IN me but ON me. I may or may not have gained my freshman 15 this summer and that was ON me but I let it become something INside me. Does that make sense?
Since I really noticed this "big" change I became very insecure and angry. At myself. Because I let it happen. Other things added to it but I think I took out all of my emotions on my body.
I went through a cycle of hopelessness, to over ambition, to anger, over and over again. I would talk to my mom about it and after the days and weeks passed I realized a few things.
1. My mom made me realize that it could be a lot worse. I could have developed a disease or lost an arm or burned my face off. But I didn't. I gained a little amount of weight that probably only I could notice. I had a body. That is a pretty neat thing …

puppies, parents, plates, partying

This weekend was pretty fun.  My roommates moved out, so we had to clean the whole apartment (not fun) but then my family came up!

Even though the title may sound like it was all fun and games, we didn't do much! But it was really fun to spend time with the people who love me most!

On Friday my mom came to Logan. I showed her my apartment, she gave me some clothes. It was good. We went to Lewiston and visited Melissa and my mom did her family pictures. If you by chance are reading this and don't know my mom is the best photographer, go to her Facebook page Melinda Smith Photography. (I wish that was a paid advertisement.)

Later that night we went to my grandparents in Dayton. My dad showed up a little later because he had to drive from North Dakota. But I was so excited to see everyone and we had peach pie.

Saturday we all were lazy in the morning. We went and watched cousin Paige perform at the fair. We looked at the chickens and lambs and pigs and had a pretty good time.
My …

What am I Waiting For?

Do you ever have those times in your life where you feel as if you are becoming a lego tower? Like blocks are stacked higher and higher but there's only so high it can go? I feel like a lego tower lately, and I feel like this lego tower is skinny and one block wide...if you have never played with legos, this would be a very unstable tower.
Haha. Analogies aside, basically I kept thinking I should write a blog post but so many things had happened/were happening/would happen that I didn't want to approach the daunting task. So now I am at a point where I can't really even remember the events of the last while, and to be frank I don't really want to. But I realized that if I kept waiting for life to slow down, I would never write again. So yeah. what have I been waiting for?
This may seem vague and non-descriptive, but this has probably been one of the times in my life where I have felt more lost, confused, and alone, than ever before. I have also learned the most and cha…

Schools out for Summer

Well folks, it's been a while, but that isn't my choice! I live in the woods with no internet! :)

Lets see. Since I last wrote, I conquered finals week. I've finished my freshman year, and moved farther away from my home than ever before.

The last few weeks of school went well. I did a lot of fun end of the year activities with friends, got to visit family a little bit, passed with decent grades, and realized how much I loved Logan and my life there. I guess I'm one of those people who really doesn't love anything till it's over. I take a lot for granted which is hard sometimes.

I drove lots of hours from Vernal to Jacob Lake Arizona. It's been an adventure for sure. I live in a dorm with 28 girls. Each day I work 9+ hours. I work in the office so I do reservations, and basic office work. It's not bad.
The food is pretty good. It's nice to not have to decide what to eat or make it.
I've missed Cache Valley and Vernal and my friends and family a …